


love, at the worst time

by chariiots



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Death, I am very sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Swearing, also a lot of depressing shit is mentioned, everyone dies, i dont know where this came from, implied showki, like a lot of death, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 02:03:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10754451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chariiots/pseuds/chariiots
Summary: he’s so fucking wrong. it’s not watching a loved one die that hurts the most, not the lack of closure, it’s loving at the wrong time.love at the wrong time hurts no matter what, but in the middle of an apocalypse, holding on to the corpse of the one you love, the one you had to kill, it hurts the most.[apocalypse au]trigger warning: there is a lot of depressing things mentioned like death + a lot of general hopelessness when it comes to living, so if you're sensitive, please be warned!





	love, at the worst time

_ “zombies, walkers, muertos, whatever you want to call it. it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change the fact that we’re stuck here in this shithole, and that there’s a bunch of undead out there fucking ready to kill us. do they kill us for the sake of killing us? eat us? who the fuck knows! not fucking me, and i don’t intend to know.” _

 

the irony lies in how he now knows. he knows that zombies are relentless monsters, and that even chopping their arm off doesn’t stop them. shooting their heart doesn’t make a difference. it all lies in the brain, too twisted to be able to feel anything anymore, only the desire to kill. he knows that they feed on human flesh, and all zombies come back after dying infected if they’re not… if not too many bites were taken out of them.

 

he knows he’s seen some shit- no, that’s an understatement. he’s seen a lot of shit, has had to learn too many things the hard way. take for example, watching changkyun be the fucking one to end jooheon’s life after he got infected. watching changkyun then get attacked and bitten by jooheon, because he didn’t destroy the brain before jooheon died, only stabbing in the heart. take for example, watching hyunwoo get torn to fucking shreds in front of him because he insisted on sacrificing himself for the rest of the group.

 

having kihyun die in the crossfire between raiders in an attempt to protect the rest of them. oh god, losing minhyuk. literally losing minhyuk in the midst of trying to escape from a herd of zombies, never getting to know if he’s alive or dead. the worst thing, he has learnt, is not being able to get closure. it leaves him hoping, praying, wishing that one day minhyuk will find him again, but it’s close to a year and there’s no point hoping anymore. is it even a year? there’s no point in counting the days at all. it’s day after night, night after day, the same things over and over again- always trying to stay alive, always trying to make it to the next day. when all you can think about is if you will be alive tomorrow, what’s the point in counting the days you already have? all those days are worth absolutely nothing once you die.

 

the worst thing is learning that he can never be in a group again, because all the people around him drop like flies. and at the end of the day, when he’s the last one standing, who fucking wins?

 

the answer is no one. no one wins this fucking cruel game, and all hyungwon wants to do is just die, because he’s lost too much. it’s a miracle that he’s still moving, still on his feet after losing five people in the span of six months, but each death is a motivation to keep going. each death is a person to live for, to make their dying worth something. there’s no more hope in the world, but he has to keep on living. for hyunwoo, for minhyuk, for kihyun, for jooheon, for changkyun.

 

_ “say, we make a pretty good team, don’t you think?” the boy jokes, literally firing a bullet into the skull of a walker right after he said that. it’s funny, how the world is just a huge shithole, yet he can joke around so freely, looking like he’s not in the middle of the goddamn apocalypse. he sounds like he’s talking about playing portal  multiplayer, like he’s just talking about working on a science project together. _

 

_he sounds like it’s not the end of the world, and the more that he looks at the boy, the more it feels like it’s not. he has that… conviction to him. like there’s still hope left, like there’s so many possibilities left unexplored, and maybe one of them could just end this all._

_ he makes him feel like he doesn’t want to die. _

_ “yeah, i guess we do.” _

 

just like how they met, it ends with a gunshot. unlike how they met, the gunshot doesn’t kill the zombie, a knife that comes far too late does. hoseok has been bitten on the shoulder, a huge chunk of flesh torn out. just like how they met, hoseok is still smiling, laughing breathily as hyungwon holds him.

 

“don’t blame yourself, alright? we’re still the fucking best team. i wouldn’t have gotten so far without you. don’t cry, okay? don’t cry for me. don’t cry about me, i don’t deserve your tears.”

 

hoseok ironically is the one wiping away his tears, burning hot tears that suit burning hot guilt far too well. so what if hoseok tells him that it’s not his fault? it still feels like it is. it feels like if he didn’t let his guard down, maybe he would have spotted the walker behind him. maybe hoseok wouldn’t have tried to tackle the zombie before shooting it, not wanting to risk hyungwon at all.

 

he holds on to hoseok, but he knows hoseok can’t hold on to his life anymore. now he knows how changkyun felt when having to end jooheon’s life, how kihyun felt as he was sobbing about how he couldn’t protect hyunwoo. as he points the gun to hoseok’s temple, hoseok puts his hand on his own, and puts pressure on his index finger.

 

“i love you, you know?”

  
  
“i know. i fucking know. i love you too, i’m so sorry.”

  
  
“could’ve told me before i have to die, genius. now, can you shoot me? the wound hurts a fucking lot, and i really don’t want to turn. please, do this one thing for me.”

 

hyungwon pulls the trigger, and hoseok dies in his arms.

 

he’s so fucking wrong. it’s not watching a loved one die that hurts the most, not the lack of closure, it’s loving at the wrong time. the root of it all is love at the wrong time.

 

hoseok made him feel like he doesn’t want to die, but his reason to live is fucking dead now, along with many others. hyungwon’s tired, and doesn’t know if he wants to live anymore. in the end, he’s only human. he’s not a zombie, a walker, a muerto, whatever you call them. he still has feelings, and it hurts far too much to live.

 

love at the wrong time hurts no matter what, but in the middle of an apocalypse, holding on to the corpse of the one you love, the one you had to kill, it hurts the most.

**Author's Note:**

> i should be doing my homework,,, or even studying for my exams next week,, but i've watched a playthrough of the whole of chapter 4 of new frontier and i couldn't stop thinking of this idea. also have a new story coming soon, probably next weekend latest. also still haven't figured out how to line break on rich text properly or html ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> [prompt me!](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> social media: [tumblr](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/chariiots) | [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/woozwhy)


End file.
